There is a FANTASTIC chapter in the book, Chop Wood Carry Water, by Joshua Medcalf that talks about Evil’s Best Weapon, Discouragement. My goal in this article is to discuss a few ways to stop or avoid feeling discouraged when times are tough.
What does it feel like to be discouraged?
Feeling discouraged means you’ve lost your confidence or enthusiasm in something (Cambridge Dictionary). Maybe you don’t feel like you’re making progress with a project, were passed up for a promotion, or maybe you’ve lost your job and are very unsure on the next steps. Many people say that feeling discouraged often leads to a feeling of being stuck. Discouragement is an emotion that feels like our internal gas tank is running on empty.
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein once said, “I never allow myself to become discouraged under any circumstances.The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are first, hard work, second, stick-to-itiveness, third, common sense.” While I believe we all get discouraged at times, you could apply Einstein’s wisdom that a good plan and hard work will pay off, and this method certainly applies to working on one’s self. Now, let’s discuss a few other ways to change your discouraging feelings around so that you’ll feel more encouraged.
Talk to Someone
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. There is nothing wrong with talking with someone about your feelings and whether you seek a friend, family member, or professional help, you should know that it’s completely ok to do so. Studies have shown that simply talking about our problems and sharing our negative emotions with someone we trust can be profoundly healing. This reduces stress, strengthens our immune system, and reduces physical and emotional distress (Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser, & Glaser, 1988).
Practice Deep Breathing and Meditation
When you take deep breaths, you activate your parasympathetic system which helps your rest and digest response. This will in turn, lower your heart rate, blood pressure, and overall stress hormone levels. This ultimately sends a signal to your body to chill out and calm down. This is all accomplished by taking slow, deep breaths sending your body into a more calmer state, reducing anxiety levels over time. Practicing breathing will help with stopping or avoiding the feelings of discouragement. For more on this subject, check out this YouTube video from Dr. Andrew Major; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp2wUO3yC28.
It’s OK to Make a Mistake
This is a very important concept, sometimes you have to experience something and fall down to truly make progress. How hard was it to learn how to ride a bike, did you fall or have a close call while learning to ride? Of course you did, and that’s how you improved. That first moment you got on your bike and fell, did you completely give up and walk away? Of course you didn’t, you kept at it until you were riding without help or training wheels!
This is exactly how we live and learn. We make mistakes, get off, and get back on. However, I think we’re far too hard on ourselves to accept that we’re learning! Try to write down your top three best qualities and practice gratitude to help both your health and happiness. Checkout my article on Journaling HERE
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
Everyone wants to know where they stand in life, and we all want validation. One thing I will tell you with certainty though, is that other people don’t care about you or your status like you care about you and your status. Other people are far too concerned with themselves! Other people have their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences to worry about rather than to be interested in analyzing yours.
Constantly comparing yourself to others just leads to a lower self esteem and unhappiness. The feeling of constantly having to “keep up with the joneses” just adds another burden of financial stress. Instead, focus on your strengths. Realize that you have a unique journey and you have a lot more to bring to the table then you are now!
Help Someone
Be a great friend or family member. Take the time to listen without judgement, offer support, be patient, validate how the other person feels, and know when to encourage them to talk to a professional. A big way we can improve ourselves and feel a higher validation is by helping others. One of the most rewarding experiences is becoming a mentor to someone. When you have the skills or ability to help, it’s one of the greatest honors to pass your knowledge on! This would be by way of a job in a professional manor or by a special friendship.
Success = Hard Work
Behind most success stories is almost always a lot of hard work – that you rarely see! There is always a long trail of blood, sweat, mistakes, and tears that follows any success or passion. Instead of feeling discouraged when you think you fail, think of it more as a way of uncovering what didn’t work.