Commitment is defined as; an agreement or pledge to do something in the future (Webster Dictionary). Commitment can represent many things. Example in terms of business, could be a sales forecast or guidance a publicly traded company provides to Wall Street. If that commitment or forecast isn’t met, the value of the stock will suffer. Which in turn, will lower future investments, jobs, or confidence people have in a business or its leadership.
Self Regulation
In many ways this outlook is very similar as we look inward at ourselves. When we make a commitment like losing weight, eating healthy, or exercising, why do we fail? When we know there is an assignment or project due, why do we wait till the last minute to complete it or not complete the assignment at all? Surprisingly, it’s NOT due to lack of self-control, accountability, or laziness, it has more to do with self regulation. So, what does self regulation have to do with staying committed?
Self regulation is the ability to control your behaviors, emotions, thoughts and impulses (Harvard). Having the ability to self regulate means you can think before you take action and can regulate your negative thoughts and emotions. It’s important to understand that this means that we’re not just about keeping commitments with others, but following through on promises you make to yourself as well.
Examples of poor Self Regulation
Have you ever met someone who jumps from hobby to hobby? They always seem to be into something new, but never fully commit? The same goes with a person in your life who might start several businesses to never fully commit to one? These actions are all often linked back to people who have a poor ability to self regulate.
Sometimes certain people need the time to be just right in order for them to start a new project or assignment. Maybe they wanted to start a website so instead of using their perfectly fine tried and true laptop, they have the urge to run out and purchase a brand new laptop. Again, a lot of these behaviors go back to a lack of self regulation and often, we make these decisions without entirely knowing what we’re doing, all with good intentions.
How to move in the right direction
So now that we might have recognized a key indication as to why we aren’t achieving our commitments, how do we stop the cycle? The first action is to change the thought. For example; let’s say I want to lose weight and my options are to eat donuts at the company meeting or fruit. In the past, I’ve always gone for the donuts but today I’m going to STOP and reflect before I make a decision:
What is the thought or behavior I want to change?
Why do I want this donut?
What is this thought trying to achieve?
I’m hungry and that donut looks tasty
What would the better outcome be?
If I ate the fruit instead…
Create new thoughts and behaviors
When I go to meetings, I will try my best to eat fruit
Take Responsibility and consider the future
BUT it’s ok if I eat a donut every now and then
Check in and examine alternatives
Should I be eating a more nutritious breakfast at home?
Challenge Your Thoughts!
Social Media
In this next example, let’s say you want to change your nightly behavior of scrolling through social media on your phone. You know it’s not the best use of your time, but it’s a constant source of distraction and allows you to unwind and escape. You get into bed at night and it’s an automatic habit.
What is the thought or behavior I want to change?
Too much screen time on social media at night
What is this thought trying to achieve?
It helps me unwind
What would the better outcome be?
Reading for 15-30 minutes instead
Create new thoughts and behaviors
When I go to bed, I will read for 15-30 minutes instead of looking at my phone. I will also charge my phone in the other room.
Take Responsibility and consider the future
Social media isn’t bad, but unless I’m using it productively, I will not let it control me
Check in and examine alternatives
Shower, Brush Teeth, Journal, Read
Notice what we did, we didn’t just eliminate the phone entirely, we made it difficult to check your phone when you’re in the other room. Also, we just added a few other “better” habits.
Cleaniness
Last example, let’s say you really want to keep your house clean. Start small a be specific, what room? Maybe it’s your kitchen.
What is the thought or behavior I want to change?
Messy Kitchen and my dishes are always dirty
What is this thought trying to achieve?
After I eat I just want to watch TV
What would the better outcome be?
I will put my dishes in the dishwasher and clean off the counter / pantry
Create new thoughts and behaviors
After I eat, I will put the dishes in the washer and tidy up around the kitchen before watching TV.
Take Responsibility and consider the future
When I have a clean kitchen I won’t stress in the future about having friends over
Check in and examine alternatives
Come home from work, cook, clean, watch tv
**6 Steps Taken from: https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/cognitive-restructuring-cbt/
Forming Habits
They say it takes on average anywhere from three weeks to a year to form a habit, but that statistic doesn’t really matter when you make this aspect of your life your identity. For example; my identity is that I’m healthy, Ben’s identity is that he’s a well-read reader, or Camden’s identity is that he’s organized. The more you pride yourself in these areas of your identity or oneness, the more you will be determined to continue the positive routines that make up these identities. The small wins will validate the type of person you’ve become. I’m picking fruit instead of donuts at my company meetings, Ben is forming a good habit by reading 15 minutes nightly, and Camden is keeping the kitchen clean daily. These small wins add up!
Journaling to Achieve Goals
The concept of journaling is highly underrated and something I will be discussing in a future article. In a recent article, Mark Murphy explained that if you vividly detail your goals in written form that you’re 1.2-1.4 times more likely to successfully accomplish your goals! Murphy goes on to explain that writing things down happens on two levels, external storage and encoding.
External Storage vs Encoding
External storage is the piece of paper you’re using to write the goal down on. Encoding is a little different, as it serves a deeper purpose. Encoding allows the person who did the writing a better opportunity to remember what was listed. If you write something down in your own words, you’re going to have what neuropsychologists call the “generation effect”. This basically means that you’re getting twice the support of your goal by thinking it up and then writing it down. Keeping it vividly fresh in your mind and able to be recalled at a moments notice. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2018/04/15/neuroscience-explains-why-you-need-to-write-down-your-goals-if-you-actually-want-to-achieve-them/)
Celebrate the Wins!
Be proud of your accomplishments and take one step at a time. Celebrate the wins, and remember; All Big Things Come From Small Beginnings. You will always be your biggest critic, so take it easy on yourself and go back to “What is the thought or behavior you want to change?”
You’ve got this!